Time to pack our bags. Cram them full of the useless items that are holding us back. We have been carrying around the weight of the yuck-and-muck and it no longer serves us. Pull out your old suitcase, your old baggage, and let’s have a send off party.
I love a good clean party. It has been years, way too many years since I have had a party and truly celebrated. It’s time. Let’s have a baggage party.
My life has always been littered and weighed down with nonsense, abuse, oppression, depression, you know, all that yuck-and-muck that holds us down and holds us back from moving forward. My bag is packed.
I’m not going anywhere. I still want to be me but I do want to send my baggage away, far away. It is no longer necessary to carry and it is no longer the ruling part of my life.
How do I know that I am ready? My reactions to living life currently.
Currently, I can see trouble in front of me and actually turn around and walk away as fast as I possibly can. I am no longer here to put a smile on my face to make everyone else comfortable. I am not longer the target for everyone’s potshots. I am no longer available to “fix others.” And I certainly am no longer available for the abuse I have endured for decades.
Finally, I am seeing this reaction consistently in me. I am getting comfortable in this new skin.
I am finally taking care of myself and not expecting anyone else to.
I am finally okay with NOT being available to speak with rude people who bring me down, verbally beat me up and walk away to go gossip about it.
I am no longer available to be bitten by another dog, literally. On my walk this morning I heard and saw another yapping growling dog running toward me and I immediately turned around and walked the other direction. The owner yelled, “It’s okay, she doesn’t bite.” I have been bitten too many times to believe that one. I kept walking the opposite way. Then the owner actually went after the dog, picked it up, and said she had it. I turned back around, said thank you, and proceeded on my path. Usually, I would have smiled, made the owner feel like it was okay that their unleashed dog was nipping at my ankles while I walked past in fear of being bit yet another time by these “harmless dogs.”
I am finally tickled with myself for these kinds of victories of taking care of myself, my safety and my sanity.
I am finally speaking. I can finally mutter out the words, stop, I have had enough. I can finally scream at someone who won’t hear the word no. I can finally trust my judgment that when I feel uncomfortable, I actually am, and usually with good reason.
My kind demeanor has been abused and I have allowed it. My past with abuse, that others have unleashed on me, has been used to shame me and I have allowed it.
I have finally peacefully packed it all up and placed it in a piece of luggage that I no longer want. I am sending the baggage on a trip and I am headed the opposite direction, to a party.
I am celebrating that I no longer want any part of living a life where I have to carry all of that around with me. It just got too heavy for me to carry.
I broke under the weight. My heart literally broke from all the heartache. My health broke from all of the abuse. My nerves were fried. There was more trauma than I personally could take. I got to the end of that road.
I found a new road, one I like. One that does not allow baggage. Yet it allows for my past to be part of me, but not define me. Without my life’s experiences, I would not be the person I am today so I am grateful for my journey. Because of those experiences, I now have the strength to let them go.
I am accepting that I get to do a start over, a reset of sorts. My beat-up body survived, my health is coming back, my nerves got repaired and now I only see the open road. I have learned how to create a work-around to any obstacle thrown my way.
I have learned to endure what I must so that my life keeps moving forward. Other than that, I have not been placed on this earth to be anyone’s physical, emotional, spiritual, sexual punching bag ever again, unless I allow it for a greater good.
My load is getting lighter. Still have a dang long way to go but at least I am finally on the right path. Someone recently said about another, “They were not a perfect person but they were on a perfect path.”
Moving through chronic illness and forgiving ourselves for being human is crucial. The more we move through our emotional issues, the more our bodies cooperate with wellness. This is how I moved through chronic illness and into better physical and emotional health…
