Feeling the yuck of our unhappiness can allow us to see pain in others. We have experienced what it feels like to be unhappy, we know our own pain. As we are in the midst of unhappiness, use it for good, see others pain. As we start to see it in others we can move toward showing some compassion. That compassion can bring a light to someones life, making our lives a bit brighter. 

When I am willing to see past my own nose, the more I can see what others are going through? That is a tough one when we so deeply feel our own hurts. When chronic illness is coupled with trauma it is hard to have anything left over for anyone else on any level.

That is when we can create some of our own fuel for the energy it takes for others.

We already know how much it stinks to be stuck in the yuck-and-muck of our lives while walking through abuse, trauma, illness. There is a point when we are wading so high in the muck that we might as well see what we can do with it.

Stop and Take a Peek at Others

We don’t have to solve others problems, just stop and take a peek at others faces.

• Can you see the pain behind their smiles?
• Can you see the physical struggles that are carried on the faces of a chronically ill person?
• Can you see the face of someone trying to hide, from things you can only imagine?
• Can you see the lack of trust when you try to connect with another human who has had their fair share of trauma?
• Can you watch couples as they navigate trying to cover up the dysfunction in the relationship?
• Can you see the “give up” in the face of an emotionally battered individual?
• Can you identify the face of someone who is desperate for any kind of attention because they are lacking in any form of healthy attention?

Spending time sitting back and observing others takes the focus off of our current unhappiness. It is our own unhappiness that opens those doors if we choose to observe.

Do Something, Anything

We usually do not have the ability to solve much for others. What we do have is the ability to smile at them, say one kind comment, something, anything that will make their day a little better.

We are the ones who know what it means to have someone reach out with a smile or a kind word as we walk through unhappiness, so do it for someone else.

If your eyes do not meet to create opportunity for a smile or kind word, think positive thoughts about the person. They might not visibly see it, but it is felt on an energetic level.

It is our own unhappiness that opens the doors of opportunity for a compassionate exchange.

Selfish Compassion

Have you noticed that when we actually take the energy and time to observe others and then reach out with something simple, we end up with a lighter heart and mood ourselves?

The same as our smile or kind words will not fix their problems, we are also not “fixed” by our simple acts of compassion. Yet it makes life a bit more tolerable for both parties.

The more I give, the more I get. The more I try to see others pain through the eyes of my unhappiness, the wider my vision gets. I can see that I cannot see everything through the eyes of unhappiness. Putting my focus on others for a moment helps me see my own short-sided vision.

Be selfish, it benefits both parties.

Benefits of Unhappiness

Yep, there are actually benefits of unhappiness.

It gives us opportunity to re-evaluate our priorities. The things that have seemed so important to us in the past, that never truly brought happiness at all, can be let go of during a time of unhappiness.

Happiness is not necessarily all it is cracked up to be. I have never met anyone who is in a constant state of true happiness.

I have learned, through unhappiness, that joy is of much greater value than happiness. I can find joy in just about anything or any situation. Had I not had the experiences of unhappiness, I never would have found myself in the joy of who I am, just the way I am.

How do you deal with your unhappiness? Can you reach just a little deeper to give to another from your compassion? How can you nourish another by a smile or a kind word?

Maribeth Baxter, MBNC (Certified Mind-Body Nourishment Coach)