Had a rough weekend. Physically struggling more than expected which creates emotional struggles which creates sensitivities that get exaggerated. So, this is how it is, for this one moment in time.
We have physical and emotional struggles when we are on a chronic illness journey that includes trauma – whether you are a Christian or not, this reality remains. I am not trying to convert anyone, not a bible thumper, not going there on this website or blog. Please bear with my references here while I share a private moment and how I chose to deal with it.
I belong to a private group that discusses a series of interviews called “Bible Health Secrets.” I am a Christian so finding like-minded people with a focus on health, healing, and Jesus brings me great comfort.
I openly shared my commitment to listening to all of the full-length interviews of this “Bible Health Secrets” series in the month of October. Three people chimed in and said they would do it with me. One lady said that we could get together at the end of it and discuss it then. Well, let me tell you, I was tickled. I said yes, of course.
This weekend I had a particularly difficult weekend and realized that discussing it later would not exactly work for me. Here is what I wrote that is private but helps you get a picture of what people can go through in this walk of chronic illness and trauma. There are times that the sting of it all comes crashing in and it helps to speak up and say so.
This is my response to the kind lady who offered to discuss this series in a month after we have listened to it in its entirety:
“Ok, this is how it is….. I am healing from Lyme Disease and my brain still is not to the point where I will be able to remember any details by the end of the month so that we can discuss it then. Oh stars, just laugh.
So…. wanted to tell you now (before I forget) that 2 of the interviews I watched over the last few days gave me immediate hope and relief, pointing me straight to Jesus and the hope we have in Him and because of him.
Marcy Jimenez brought me peace in how beautifully peaceful she is, because of Jesus and her walk. I too had a deathly ill child and did what it took to save his life and also grew closer to the Lord through that experience, realizing how he so gently guided me to healing answers for my son.
Then…this weekend, I was having a depressing day because of my Lyme and listened to Kyle Holub. I needed to hear about his suicidal ideations to make me remember that they come and go when we allow them to.
I have had Lyme disease since early childhood and only 3 years ago diagnosed with a positive blood test. Riding out the emotions while healing from Lyme has been very different from living with a debilitating disease and not knowing why emotions can get so out-of-control.
I do not believe in labeling ourselves with our diseases. That is not how God works so I don’t want to look at it that way. Listening to Kyle’s interview with Jonathan Otto helped me get through a rough weekend of both physical and emotional struggles. Speaking out about how depressing chronic illness can be, helps others get through their struggles. Kyle and Jonathan Otto speaking so openly covered me in the hope we can all have.
I have been blessed with treatment for Lyme Disease so that I can work my way through it. I have come so far and am grateful for the journey. My brain has healed more than I ever expected it to. But I still struggle terribly with memory so I wanted to comment now before I forget the details of these two blessings from these two interviews.” ~ Maribeth Baxter
I left the names in of the people who spoke in the interviews, giving their names and permission to air this to the public. I kept out the names of the people in the group that have not given permission for public sharing.
How do you deal with your tough moments?